most hand-sanitizers claim they wipe out 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can eliminate 100.00 percent of watever the heck he wants.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
If, through some strange disturbance in the temporal flux, Chuck Norris travelled through time and space and fought himself, he would win. Period.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo (from where is waldo) is hiding
In the original draft of The Lord of the Rings, Chuck Norris had the ring instead of Frodo. However, they changed it to make it longer; Chuck kicked Sauron's butt half-way through the prologue.
Edit: added more jokes.
-- Edited by Josh on Thursday 21st of October 2010 06:21:23 PM
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I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
"Life is a game, Order. And I'm winning." --Discord, "Order and Chaos".
the original title for terminator vs. alien was alien and terminator vs. chuck norris, But they changed it because no one wanted to pay 15 bucks for admission for a movie 3 seconds long.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
They say tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Chuck Norris once killed a man for asking who he was.
Chuck Norris hates Raymond.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon.
When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
huck Norris did a corkscrew into the Gulf of Mexico and Created Hurricane Katrina.
Chuck Norris doesn't move when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
If Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris won The Game.
Sometimes Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks too hard. This phenominon is called a tornado.
There is no death, there is just Chuck Norris.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
M.C. Hammer found out the hard way the Chuck Norris can touch this.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, thats how many seconds you have left to live.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
As an infant, Chuck Norris’ parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Before sliced bread, people used to say “That’s the greatest thing since Chuck Norris”. But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Brokeback Mountain is not the name of a movie, it is the pile of dead ninjas in Chuck Norris’ backyard
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Noris believes it’s not butter.
Chuck Noris can rhyme orange and purple… with each other!
Chuck Noris has already been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Noris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
Chuck Norris calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the PlayStation back to Japan.
Chuck Norris can beat the Sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
napolean dynamite says "vote for pedro." but pedro says "vote for chuck norris."
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The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
The general who is most skilled in defense hides in the deepest recesses of the earth, while the general who is most skilled in offense soars to the highest part of heaven.-Sun Tzu (The Art Of War)
chuck norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon. a cobra once bit chuck norris's leg. after several days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. on a highschool math test, chuck norris put down the answer "violence" on every problem. he got an A+. chuck norris solves all his problems with violence.
A street was once named after Chuck Norris, but they had to rename it, because nobody crossed Chuck Norris and lived. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
